Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Oh, anxiety!

I have an appointment with a dermatologist tomorrow...this appointment makes me very nervous because I have no idea what to expect from it or what the outcome of it will be. If it were for some silly little rash or acne, or some other general cosmetic issue, I wouldn't have this nervous feeling. However, I am going to have some "spots" checked out that don't necessarily fall into the "normal" look for these types of things. I have red hair and light skin, so I have always had a lot of freckles all over, and I have always had skin tags, as I call them - whether that's what they're really called or not - and moles tend to run in my family. But there has been one more recently that has caused some concern due to how it's changing, which then brought my attention to a few other spots that should probably get some medical attention as well. I am very nervous for this appointment for a number of reasons:

1. I have always had a fear of needles or anything else sharp in a medical setting. This has gotten better with age and experience (I can handle vaccines now, and I know what to expect from blood tests), but I have had a few very unpleasant, if not traumatic, other experiences/procedures as well, so that fear and anxiety is still lingering. Especially with the unknown.

2. The fact that this appointment is new and unknown to me. I do not know what they will think, I do not know what they will need to do and if it will involve those unpleasant pointy or sharp objects (biopsy, scraping, removal, etc.). Simply put, I do not know what to expect in the least.

3. I do not know what the outcome of the appointment will be. I am a graduate from the Muhlenberg School District, and even just from that aspect, my thoughts go to worst possible scenarios. If you are not familiar with why I say that, let me explain. The high school discovered some very nasty things buried in the grounds when they went to renovate athletic fields and such. Since finding these things, and graduating from there, I know quite a few people from my class and the class after me that have been diagnosed with some form of cancer, one of whom has even passed away. So, what they will discover, if anything, worries me a great deal.

To some people, having some spots or moles checked out might not seem as big a deal as some other kind of medical issue, but to me it's very scary and nerve-wracking. I will update the results of the visit after tomorrow - wish me luck!

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